I am lost and confused. I have been like this since the death of my fiancee three years ago. She died on a car crash. I was behind the wheel. I have been waking up and going to sleep with guilt all these years despite her parents and everyone around telling me that they do not blame me for anything. They say things happen for a reason, no matter how unclear the reason is. I questioned God for the purpose of her death over and over. But now, I am tired. I need Christ back into my life. I decided to join a Christian tour of Israel to find Jesus again, or for Jesus to find me. Maybe walking around the Holy Land would save me from myself.